[Amanda]: Yes, I’m still here! (head go asplode-ey now)

Amanda wrote:

I wonder how many times I’ve used that old Baldur’s Gate quote as a title. Hm.

Anyway. I’m in the middle of procrastinating on a story I’m supposed to be writing, so this will be short by necessity. I’m also in somewhat of a tempestuous mood tonight, so that’s not helping much either. Which is funny, since yesterday was absolutely perfect. Seriously. From beginning to end, it was glorious. I’m not entirely sure why, it was just one of those rare days when absolutely everything was just right. And I enjoyed it immensely, I don’t mind telling you. Up until the point where I got the news that a friend of mine is sick again and has been admitted to the hospital once again. That’s the second time in as many months. I’m not happy. In fact, I’m well and truly pissed off about it, if I’m honest. Mostly because I know there’s not a damn thing I can do to fix any of it. I’m going to go see him if I can, but I’m at a loss for action all over again. So yeah. Trying to keep myself distracted and at the same time I can’t seem to think of anything else. Not much I can do but hope for the best, offer my limited abilities where needed…if they’re needed…

Everything else has been pretty good besides that, though. Last Wednesday I got a cute new haircut. I like it a lot. On Saturday I went to Ripley’s Aquarium with the family. It was fun, especially since we made a lot of stops at different places along the way. We even found a Starbucks and mom and I got ourselves some green tea shakers while dad looked confused. šŸ™‚ I’m hopelessly addicted, what can I say. I think I’m probably going to drink those things until Starbucks either stops carrying them, or I keel over dead from old age. Funny how many friends that one drink has made me. It’s always the little things, isn’t it?

Writing isn’t going so great. Yeah, I’m being brutally honest. I haven’t been doing it. Tonight I am, but this is the first time I’ve actually sat down to write and do nothing else for several days. I think it’s OK, though. I’m young, and I can tell that right now I’m in the middle of a portion of my life that’s going to result in a really good story someday. Problem is, I have to experience it first. Everything else that happens in the meantime is just sort of a filler for the time that story is ready to be told. Not saying what I write now will be meaningless crap, but it’s not going to be as good as that future story is going to be. Don’t ask me how I know any of this, because I don’t have any facts. Just sort of an intuitive guess, if you will. What happens between now and then, (whenever “then” is) is just a way to keep my skills honed. Practice. I realized tonight, though, that I do need to wait a little. Experience as much as I can. This is all going somewhere important but I can’t rush it.

While I wait for my Moment of Amazing Inspiration, (capitalized because every bone in my body has a sarcastic chip in it somewhere) I’ve been reading like crazy. I went to the library exactly six days ago and I’ve already finished two full length novels and am nearly halfway done with “Good Omens” by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. It’s been truly fun doing so much reading, and I can’t tell you what a relief it was to get some real books back in my life. I’ve realized that my personal library seriously needs to grow the fuck up. It’s full of a bunch of childish, half rate fantasy novels that don’t interest me anymore. Some stuff is good, (Sherlock Holmes is good no matter what age you are) but I’ve changed a lot in the past six months and my books need to reflect that. This probably makes me sound like a seriously disturbed serial killer in the making or something, but I was literally bouncing with glee at the prospect of reading James Patterson’s novel “1st to Die” because it had been entirely too long since I’d read something with gruesome, bloody murders and sex scenes in it. Yeah, I’m weird. I’m dealing with it. Good book, btw.

I’ve also discovered the beauty of the evening walk. Not only are my nightly sojourns around the neighborhood helping my muscle tone, (I may have lost weight since starting my new job, but that doesn’t mean I’m actually in shape) but they’ve sort of become like therapy for me. I was really surprised how much I enjoyed them, and now I look forward to them all day long. I even take them after work. Decided I was tired of sitting on the couch complaining about how tired I was. To deal with this, I got off my ass and went for a walk. I know my logic is kind of twisted but it actually worked out well. I have more energy and it helps me work out all those little kinks that make me so cranky in a day, which is doing a lot for familial harmony. Huzzah.

Yeah. So much for a short entry. =P I’m going to go back to trying not to think about my friend writing now.

Funny, isn’t it, how when I get sad, I get angry too. Yeah. Hilarious.

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